01
This is what I sent:
Not to sound crazy,
but did you hear me
say good night last night?
02
I’ve been talking to you.
I don’t want to make you
feel like you did anything
wrong so I didn’t say it
loud enough for you to hear.
03
My heart breaks because
the contortion your past and
I put on your heart. I haven’t
really told my heart yet you
can’t talk with me now either.
04
I was going to write you a letter,
I wrote a few yesterday,
but I can’t fool myself
that there’s enough stamps
to carry the weight of them.
05
Digital is vapid, just like what
I keep trying to cloak your
desire of departure and exit in.
06
Do you think it’s twisted
of me to want to talk with you?
I’ve been thinking it’s selfish.
I don’t want you lamenting
your own strife even if it
percolates down me,
Chock full o'Nuts at 8am.
07
My grandma told me whenever
I think of you, to carry you
with me and smile,
and I have been.
But that smile spoils into tears.
08
Did you know I feel guilty?
I feel guilty because
you told me what loving
you could do to you and
I said no worries let’s
pretend it doesn’t exist.
09
My fantasy of being David
against your foes hurt you.
Part of me wishes I was
strong enough to respect
your wishes and your words
to have said don’t worry,
I’ll hold back my feelings
for you to heal.
10
Hell, I know
I have to send this to you still,
lessons looking unlearned.
11
I’m meandering here
don’t you think? I don’t
know what to do.
12
What are you doing?
We didn’t say what should
be done because
I can’t accept your shoulder
isn’t there for me.
13
I am proud of you
for standing up against
what you want
for what you need. It hurts
me though because it just
shows me how you’re
the loving person
I’ve always dreamed of.
14
The facts and the ruling don’t agree,
I don’t accept the outcome
but my care for you says to.
I said I won’t ever not
have you in my life, even if I
have to talk to you in my head.
15
Don’t you think there’s more to be said?
I guess all I’m saying is that I’m still talking to you.
Two nights, two mornings, and two hearts.
Two minutes, too late.